This has been a busy week. I am busy, Felicia is always busy. The only one who is not busy is Bananas, the cat. She seems always to be relaxed and on top of things. I envy her.
So, accordingly, there have not been much spanking activities. Wednesday saw some quick skirt up, knickers down, over Felicia's knee and a little smack, smack.
This has made me think. However much I love being smacked by Felicia I realise that things have changed. When we started, a long time ago, I was always deadly embarrassed. I was in turmoil before, during and after. It is not the same now.
I am not embarrassed being with Felicia and that is something very good. I am less of the shy girl I used to be. And this is part of Felicia's plan to make me less timid and shy. Believe me, I have come a long way!
You know, there is always this tiny little girl who sits at the back of the classroom saying nothing, doing nothing, not wanting to be seen. That was me. When Felicia entered my life she was considered weird by my classmates. Together with her we became the weird girls. That gave me confidence though and changed my life.
Being embarrassed by the things Felicia did to me was part of the change, part of me being who I am today. There is a thrill in that embarrassment that I like. There are mixed feelings but still there is something.
It is not that a quick spanking with Felicia is not enough it is more that I miss being really embarrassed about it, having butterflies in my stomach, being worried and excited.
There was a little of it when Kate and Fiona visited (I wrote about it earlier) and a little when she makes me go to work with no knickers.
Someone said that I am an exhibitionist. I think that is taking it too far but this has made me think. Part of the thrill and excitement is being a little daring and showing myself. The most thrilling moment preparing for a spanking is slipping down my knickers.
I know it is a lot about knickers in my blog but, maybe, that is how I am.
What is the conclusion of this rant. Perhaps that the thrill of being a little exhibitionistic when being spanked is about being embarrassed about it and that it is exciting being a little embarrassed.